My buddy Pete has a post on his blog regarding a bride who was offered 30K or her wedding. She took the wedding, which ended up costing more than 30K.

Can't bloody fathom it. 10 or so years ago, we had a great big party for 150 people, friends did photography and flowers and cake, general potluck all around, signed a contract with the disgruntled outgoing venue manager for a ridiculously low all inclusive fee, friend made jewelry for again ridiculously low fee. All in all, wish I'd drank less but since I wasn't the one who passed out in the cake - not bad. No regrets. Under 1K total, party to remember.

Still, not everyone's cup of tea. However with 500 weddings or so under my belt I've seen a lot and can tell you there's some price gouging going on and some deals being missed. Dress? Go to someplace likes the Brides Project, or else online. Nothing wrong with a gently used dress, comes with free good luck and that something old thing covered. Cake? Likely gently used isn't the way to go, but Marmalade Cakes does a stunning job for very little, and if you want cheap Dominion will put a photo on a lemon slab cake for $70, you get 100 pieces or so out of it. Photography? Well, here you likely want to splurge a bit but no need to go mental, refinance to get the albums from Italy 20K worth. Crazytalk. Venue? How about a restaurant with a private room, all one location? Or for smaller weddings your house? Gives you a reason to clean. There are some that are necessary for acoustic perfection (Enoch Turner Schoolhouse, Trinity St. Paul) or accessibility (Arts and Letters Club, Carlu, Canoe) or story (Hart House Chapel, every bloody time) but there are a lot of options out there. Flowers? Anything, as long as they don't dye them or glue rhinestones to them. The first will stain a white dress (I've seen it, so very sad little rainbow tummy) and the latter is just...well, it's tacky. Gilding the lily is not a thing to strive for it's a Thing To Avoid. Tiara? Are you eight? No? Put the damn thing down. Or at least don't spend more than $20 for a mass produced bit of sparkle just to make you feel like you won a beauty contest. You know what? You didn't. You may be as easy on the eyes as all get out, but you have one drooling stupid for you fan...that you are a drooling stupid for fan of. Does not a pageant make. And unless it's the closing dance number from "little miss sunshine" I don't want to hear about no stinking pageants anyway. Hair and make up? Keep your cool and tell them you're going to a wedding, not a bride. The price comes down if they don't have to deal with your crap, and a MAC kiosk can do wonders.

Not to diss anyone's idea of a good time or any wedding pro's out there, but there's options. And it should be a good time, a great time, a party you can enjoy with your family and friends and look back on with no small amount of smiles and giggles. If you're getting stressed out and have too much to do it's time to re-examine what you're doing. Your guests don't need presents, no one needs a wee ceramic shoe to remember your wedding by. And the old symbolism of the wedding shoe? Porno-freaking-graphic, swear to whatever god you want. Donate money to charity in their name, it's classy and they never have to agonize over selling it at a yard sale. Your bridesmaids don't need to sit around and help you hand bead envelopes. These are your friends, not slaves, and you want to keep them as friends. Do they want expensive jewelry as gifts for standing up for you at your wedding? Get better friends, try craigslist or karioke. A wedding should not be the fairy tale best day of your life - that's a pile of rat pooh. If your wedding is your best day ever, the rest of your marriage is left to all down hill and how good is that? Not so much.

I don't want anyone's wedding day to be their best day ever. I want a couples best day to be in their 90's, over late night tea or whiskey, reflecting on the day and the life before that, suddenly realizing that it could have been different but no better, that in the stupidity and smallness of their youth they'd chosen a fitting helpmate and worthy adversary, their fastest friend and clearest critic, the best person possible to spend their lives with. I want them each then to be in touch with how they had become, through the light of the love they'd bathed in the best person they could be in return. And then, although the person across from them may be wrinkly and farty, a little pitted and less toothy, possibly thicker in flesh and thinner in bone and skin and possibly smelling different than they did at 25 or 38, I want them to realize with a bit of glee that this person they've loved for so long is still kinda hot...and looking at them, like, you know, THAT. I think that would be the best day ever (possibly ending in mad yet careful monkey sex) for a couple, and it doesn't take 30K or more wedding to make it so. It takes a marriage - considerably more work. There's a lot of problems that go away when you throw money at them (renovations, landscaping, laundry, lunch), but learning how to love and be worthy of love is more difficult and scary - and you can't shop your way out of it. I fear that many people try.